spreadyoursmile

Judith felt like she couldn’t breathe.

Her heart was pounding, her vision seemed blurry, she felt hot and cold at the same time.

She felt as though as though she would faint.

But all she was doing was sitting on the train.

She regained her composure after a while and started thinking again and again why this kept happening.

She had heard of panic attacks but never experienced them before.

Now, they had become a regular occurrence. She knew it could be linked to stress and anxiety.

She thought about what could be causing her stress and anxiety.

Ha! She thought.

Everything, that was the answer.

Work, finances, relationship troubles… The list went on.

However, she had dealt with all those for years and had no panic attacks.

What had changed?

Dear you,

The theme for this year’s Mental Health Awareness week is anxiety.

Anxiety is a natural bodily response to things around us.

The cost-of-living crisis has meant that more than a third of adults feel anxious about their financial situation.

However, anxiety can also be caused by less obvious things and sometimes a cause is not found.

When anxiety gets out of control, it can become a mental health problem. It is one of the most common mental health problems people face.

In the UK, around 1 in 10 people will be living with an anxiety disorder at any time which is over 8 million people.

But the positive news is that there are ways to manage anxiety.

Some of these things are general health advice we have already heard of – exercising more, eating a healthy diet, getting good quality sleep.

Other things require more effort such as learning breathing techniques and keeping a worry diary.

Things such as spending time in nature and connecting with others and talking about anxiety can help.

Here a couple of link for more information about anxiety. If you have any questions about my own personal experience with anxiety, feel free to ask any questions.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/our-work/public-engagement/mental-health-awareness-week/what-can-we-do-cope-feelings-anxiety

https://mentalhealth-uk.org/help-and-information/conditions/anxiety-disorders/what-is-anxiety/

“How are you?” “I’m fine thanks”.

“Are you alright?” “Yes”. 

“Did you have a good weekend?” “Yes”.

There were so many lies Judith said instinctively, after many years of repeating them.

Sometimes she knew she was blatantly lying. Some days she said it hoping to convince herself. 

Of course, it was not possible to be completely honest with everyone, even if you had the intention of doing so. 

She could not open up her heart to someone she barely knew. However, she also found it hard to open up to people she did know. 

She had always put this down to being a reserved person. 

However, this was a disadvantage for the times she really needed to speak to someone.

She found ways to justify her problem in her mind. She ended up overthinking things which made the situation worse.

She was yet to strike the balance between sharing things so she was not carrying the burden herself and also not overburdening someone else with her problems.

Dear you,

It can be hard to find a balance when talking about the things that bother us. 

We don’t want to be talking about it too much with anyone and everyone. This way, you can find that it becomes all consuming. 

We also don’t want to be hiding it and crushed under the weight of it. 

Ideally, we can turn to someone in our life who can listen to us and support us. 

We may feel that dealing with problems all on our own is the stoic and strong way to deal with it. 

This is true to a certain extent. 

However, when we acknowledge that we do need support with certain issues, we are able to deal with it in a more constructive way.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith had always liked making plans.

However, she had come to realise more than ever that life had plans of its own. 

She thought back to her life ten years ago. 

She almost laughed at all the plans she had in her head back then.

Was she living the life she had pictured then? 

Definitely not. 

Her job was different, her friends were different, her interests were different.

In short, she was different. 

This was a sum of all the experiences she had been through in the past ten years.

As much as she liked to have a plan set out, things had unravelled around her without really asking her permission. 

At first, this had been very difficult to accept.

But now, she was much better at accepting it and therefore, had much more peace.

Dear you,

It is safe to say that we all had certain ideas and plans of how our life would turn out. It is very likely that as for Judith, your life has not turned out the way you expected. 

This can be a good thing or a bad thing. Mostly, it is a mixture of both. 

When we have certain ideas in our head of what we want from life, conditioned in us from a young age, it can be really difficult when something else happens.

An unexpected illness. A terrible accident. A bereavement.

These are not things that any of us expect or want. They throw us off course massively. 

Naturally, this can lead to disappointment. We can end up resenting our lives and thinking “what if”. 

The truth is that it is not helpful to live in this way, constantly thinking, “what if”. 

Because then you miss out on the life you do have. It is hard to adjust to the curveballs that come our way but ultimately, the best thing to do is accept them. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith sometimes found herself wondering how people had learnt to do things.

From sorting out a mortgage, to being a parent, to doing their taxes, some people seemed to breeze through things without any issues.

And then there were people like her who found themselves wondering when they had grown old enough to have to deal with these things.

She was embarrassed to admit that she didn’t really understand credit cards properly or how to hold a baby or how to change a tyre.

Was she missing something?

A life 101 class that she had forgotten to attend?

Of course not.

She was one human being among billions who had to live and learn through their experiences.

It was hard but it was normal because that was life.

Dear you,

You may be able to relate to Judith in some ways.

Perhaps you too wonder how to do things that others already know how to do.

Or you might be one of the others who know how to do a lot of stuff.

Either way, it is safe to say that experience is the best teacher.

We would like to face life and the situations we encounter with absolute confidence. No one wants to be caught off guard, no one wants to feel lost and no one wants to admit they don’t know things.

However, all these things are completely normal stages of growth in life.

The people who know how to do things did not reach that stage instantly. They too learnt through experience and life lessons.

We would like to learn how to deal with life before we live it. But we don’t have that option.

The only way to learn how to live life is to live it first.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Dear you,

I would like to take this opportunity to share more about bipolar disorder. This is a lifelong mental health condition with severe symptoms which can affect all areas of your life.

You may have heard of bipolar being about low or highs, happiness and sadness.

These periods are called mania and depression.

Symptoms of mania can be:

• feeling happy or excited without reason
• being full of new ideas
• racing thoughts,
• talking very quickly
• being more irritable than normal
• being easily distracted
• not being able to sleep, or feel that you don’t want to sleep
• thinking you can do much more than you actually can
• make unusual, or big decisions without thinking them through, and
• doing things you normally wouldn’t do which can cause problems. Such as:
  • spending a lot of money
  • being sexually disinhibited
  • using drugs or alcohol
  • gambling or
  • making unwise decisions.

Symptoms of depression can be:

• low mood
• having less energy and feeling tired
• feeling hopeless or negative
• feeling guilty, worthless or helpless
• being less interested in things
• difficulty concentrating, remembering or making decisions
• feeling restless or irritable
• sleeping too much or not being able to sleep
• eating less or over eating
• losing or gaining weight, when you don’t mean to
• thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts.

(More information can be accessed at: https://www.rethink.org/advice-and-information/about-mental-illness/learn-more-about-conditions/bipolar-disorder/)

Some or all of these symptoms may seem strange and difficult to understand. However, these are things that millions of people with bipolar disorder struggle with in their day-to-day life.

Bipolar disorder can be managed with medication and therapy along with recognising triggers and learning coping strategies.

I hope this information helps you understand the condition better and support anyone you come across with it.

As with anything, the more openly we talk about it, the better. So if you have any questions at all, please do ask.

New beginnings. Changes. Challenges. 

These were not easy for Judith.

It unnerved her. She preferred routine and structure. She liked her life to be organised and planned out. 

However, she had come to realise that life rarely went to plan. 

She knew change was inevitable but knowing that didn’t make it any easier. 

She also knew some people loved challenges but the uncertainty of it was difficult for her.

What if she failed? What if something bad happened? 

What if, what if… She thought about those two words far too often. 

As she tended to do when she needed some wisdom, she rang her grandpa and shared what she was thinking.

“Judith, this is why you need hope in your life. Hope keeps you going. So when you are dealing with challenges you struggle with, you need to look at it with hope… Things may go wrong but even that can lead to growth. Have hope that wonderful things can happen in your life, hope certainly makes life more beautiful and less scary, so choose hope.”

Dear you,

As we step into 2023, you may be facing many changes and challenges just like Judith. 

A new year does not mean our old problems and issues have been wiped away so chances are, we are all struggling with something or the other. 

This can seem very daunting. We have all conquered many struggles but when we are faced with something new, it can be very unsettling. 

On the other hand, perhaps you are a person who loves challenges. This could mean you are looking forward to dealing with new problems because you are confident you can deal with them. 

Whatever your perspective is, we can learn a lesson from Judith’s grandad about hope. 

Hope can change our life if only we let it. It is not wishful thinking, it goes deeper than that.

My hope is based on my faith. It gives me the strength to deal with difficulties and look forward to the future rather than be overwhelmed by it. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

‘Oh, what’s the point? It’s too late. I can’t change things now.’

Judith had heard sentiments like this several times before. She’d even said things like this on many occasions.

However, lately she had been struck by the notion that it was never too late to change things. 

She often found herself daydreaming about being healthier, more balanced with her emotions, more fulfilled at work, travelling more, cooking more etc. 

But often, this just dissolved into wishful thinking and dreams which never materialised. 

Easier said than done, she’d think.

As she grew older (and wiser), she had come to realise that her attitude towards these changes mattered.

Did she really want to change? Really?

If she did, she would find a way to do it rather than automatically assuming it could never happen.

Nothing worth having in life comes easy. She had definitely learnt that.

Dear you,

This time of year brings different feelings for different people.

Some may revel in the festivities, looking ahead with excitement to the new year.

Some may find it a difficult time for many personal reasons. 

Whatever our feelings are, the new year offers us a chance to start anew and make changes. If we wish to. 

But it needs to be more than merely wishful thinking. We need real determination and resolve to actually implement changes in our life.

We are all too familiar with the numerous new year’s resolutions that were never fulfilled. It could be different this time around though, there’s a real possibility of a new beginning. 

It is also worth noting that we don’t have to put pressure on ourselves to make resolutions and changes just at this time of year. It can be done on any day of any month. 

It’s never too early or too late to make a change and go after the life you want.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

‘So, where are you from?’

This was a question Judith had been asked many times. It was not an easy one to answer. 

She was never sure if the person meant where she currently lived, where she thought of as home, where she was born, where her parents were born. 

For her, all these were different places and they had all shaped who she had become today. 

Also, she felt one place did not define her. Her identity was much more complex than that. It had been influenced by many countries, cultures and traditions. 

However, she also felt conflicted in her identity when such a question was asked.

She asked herself too, ‘Where am I really from?’. 

The answer she eventually came up with was, ‘It shouldn’t matter.’ 

Dear you,

We hear a lot about combating racism in this day and age. It is shocking to think how widespread racism used to be in the past and also how it was inherently part of some societies and cultures. 

There has been a lot of progress in promoting the fact that our skin colour does not define who we are.

However, it is naive to think that racism is only a thing of the past. It still goes on.

The ways in which it manifests may be different. It could be more subtle and come out as stereotyping and generalising. It could come out as prejudice and a judgemental attitude towards some groups of people. 

Our identity is a big part of who we are. And whatever that identity may constitute, it is important that it is respected and accepted. 

The same rule applies to every single human being. They need to be seen as much more than a nationality or colour, they need to be regarded with the dignity that every human person deserves. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was away on a trip.

Everything seemed to be going fine until some things from the past were brought up. Old tensions rose to the surface and arguments had broken out. Judith had distanced herself from everyone else to take some time to think.

Her friend approached warily.

‘Judith.. Are you okay?’

‘Yeah…’

‘I don’t know what happened. One minute, we were playing a game. Next minute, we’re shouting at each other.’

‘Hmmm…’

‘How come you didn’t say anything back though? Why didn’t you stand up for yourself?’

‘Because that would only have made it worse.’

‘But he was completely out of order, blaming you for things, taking out his anger on you.’

‘That’s what happens. Hurt people hurt people. I could tell he was hurting and that’s why he was trying to hurt me. So it’s best if I forgive and respond with kindness.’

Dear you,

We have all been hurt by people and by situations. It is an inevitable consequence of life.

This affects us deeply. We may not even realise how much it affects us till it becomes evident in our lives.

We can easily take out our pain, anger, frustration on others around us. Sadly, it is often the people who are closest to us who suffer the most.

It is very easy to snap at someone. It is much harder to show restraint and rise above it.

If we’re hurt and then we hurt other people as a result, this creates a deadly chain. This is why we should always try to practice kindness and compassion in the face of pain and hurt aimed at us.

This is hard to do but it is the only way to improve the current situation as well as the future.

Remember, love will always overcome hate so let us choose the path of love.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was facing what seemed to be another dreary day at work. 

Some days, she wondered if what she did made any difference to anything or anyone at all. 

As a child, she had wanted to achieve big things. As a teenager, she had wanted to change the world.

And now, as an adult, she did not really know what she wanted. 

At home too, she wondered sometimes what the point of things was. 

Cleaning and cooking and washing up. As soon as it was done, it was time to do it again. 

Her cynical thoughts were interrupted by her co-worker Laura.

“Judith… You cook and bake right? Would you be able to bake some things for a charity event next week?”

“Erm yes… sure.”

“That’s wonderful, thanks so much. It’ll help raise money and make a difference to people’s lives.”

Judith reflected on this. It was not what she was expecting today but this had come about because she had been at work. 

So perhaps it did matter after all. 

Dear you,

We all want to do “big things” and make a “big impact”. However, this isn’t always possible. 

It is good to realise and appreciate that the little things really do matter. Big things are built up over time and consist of a series of small things.

It requires long term effort and perseverance. Like Judith, when we do little things such as chores at home, it can feel arduous and monotonous. 

But how we actually do little things matter. When we do them sincerely with love, they can be transformed.

It is natural to question our actions and wonder if what we are doing matters. The answer is yes, it does matter.

It may not be significant in the way you want or expect it to be. But your presence can provide encouragement to a colleague. It can provide support for a family member. It can provide comfort to the lonely. 

Sometimes it can be tiring and frustrating but the little things really do matter and your words and actions can help others more than you realise.

Let us strive to do small things with great love as St. Mother Teresa tells us to. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊