Author: steff53

Judith was meeting up with her brother Jude after a long time.

They exchanged pleasantries for a while but then they started arguing, which was the default setting in their relationship.

‘I don’t understand why we have to attend every birthday, wedding, anniversary of everyone in the whole family. It is so ridiculous. I have more important things to do with my time’, Jude said sharply.

‘What can be more important than family?’, Judith asked incredulously.

‘I don’t know Judith.. you know most of the family don’t even like me’, he protested.

‘Well, there’s a reason for that’, Judith said bitterly.

‘Oh okay, so it’s my fault then?’

‘No, it’s nobody’s fault in particular. It’s just that with families and friendships and any relationship, both sides have to put in an effort’.

Jude shrugged.

‘Okay, fine. This might change your mind. Look what our cousins sent me for my birthday’, Judith said as she rummaged in her handbag. She picked out a personalised card with a photo at the front and passed it to Jude.

He stared at it for some time.

‘Wow man, this photo.. So many years ago now. I remember it though, those were some really fun times’, he said smiling. ‘I wonder how these guys are doing now’.

‘Well, why don’t you send them a message or give them a call?’, Judith suggested. ‘It may not seem like it all the time but our families are a big blessing and something to be grateful for’.

Jude smiled broadly and nodded.

Dear you,

Appreciating the little things can be very difficult. We are so often absorbed by our thoughts and worries in our daily situations.

It may only be when we get some time to reflect and look back, perhaps with the aid of photos that we realise how special the moment was.

Memories can make us nostalgic especially when we think about how we will never get those moments back again. We can reminisce and fondly think of it but we will never again have that experience. This is part of the reason why time is so valuable.

Even if memories come and go, if we are lucky, the people we shared the memories with are still around us. We might not talk to them much anymore, they might live far away but nevertheless, you have shared something special with them and that binds you together.

When it comes to family especially extended family, we may not always feel very close to them like Jude. However, chances are we have shared some great times together especially in childhood. As time goes on, people and circumstances change but our family remains our family.

Every family has issues but we are blessed if we have people who care for us inherently. We may not appreciate them at the time, often we only realise how much someone means to us when they are absent from our lives.

Let’s not wait till then. Let us try and appreciate our family members as often as we can!

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was trying hard to keep her eyes open. It was nearly home time which meant that people were discussing their plans for the evening.

‘Yep, gym again tonight’, said one of her colleagues to another. They then launched into a discussion about different exercise regimes, protein supplements and diet alterations. Judith didn’t really understand most of it and had zoned out.

‘So Judith, do you go to a gym?’. Judith was momentarily startled and looked around to answer.

‘Erm, no’, she muttered.

‘You should you know. It’ll really help to keep you in shape’.

Judith wasn’t sure if the implication was that she needed to lose weight or whether the comment had good intentions behind it. Either way, she was mildly annoyed.

‘Yeah, the gym’s not really for me. Actually, I get tired of seeing so many gym selfies’, Judith said emphatically.

This was true. There seemed to be countless photos of people posing in front of the gym mirrors wearing sports attire posted on social media with a confusing array of captions. She didn’t understand the point of going to the gym if you just spent your time posing and posting.

Her colleague shrugged. ‘Yeah, I do that too, post selfies. I guess I just want people to think I’m healthy and stuff.’

Judith laughed blankly.

Dear you,

Being healthy is something that is promoted widely. We are encouraged to eat a healthy diet and do a certain amount of exercise. Moreover, there are certain diets that are trendy and certain products which are said to help lose weight.

Schools are increasingly promoting more healthy options for lunch. The government has been highlighting the need for five fruits and vegetables a day for years. What impact is all this having?

Healthy eating and living is evidently an ideal to live up to. But we must be careful not to slip into extremes. Following trends is usually an attempt to join in with what others are doing. However, this may not be the right choice.

Our bodies are a major source of insecurity for most of us. Insecurities can warp our mind and make us think negative thoughts which are not true. This makes us more susceptible to try things because we feel we desperately need to change.

Just like Judith questions her colleague’s intention, we must question our intention when we try and lead a healthy lifestyle. If it is genuinely for the reason of looking after and tending to our body, that is great. After all, our bodies endure a lot and it is our responsibility to take care of them.

However, if certain diets and trends are making us feel forced into conforming to a certain beauty standard, then that is something we need to reconsider.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was bored and tired. The week just seemed to be dragging on and never ending. 

She noticed her colleague Wendy walking by and smiled.

“Hi Wendy, I love your jumper. The colour really suits you.”

“Aww, thank you Judith. You always give such positive comments. It is really nice!”

Judith was taken aback. She had never really thought of herself as someone who gave out positive comments. But when she thought about it, she realised that she did give out a lot of compliments.

She had heard the saying, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

She knew criticism was a part of life but really did dislike it. It was easy to affect people with the words we use but mostly, we don’t even recognise the power they have. 

Judith was thankful she was considerate with her words but knew that this was not the case for some people who had no filter.

Dear you,

We all speak and say a lot of words but are usually unaware of most of them. Some of us are blunt, some more reserved and most of us do not intentionally want to hurt others with our words. But do we think enough about the effect that our words have?

It can come down to as basic as being polite and having manners. Saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ has been ingrained into us and it actually does make a difference to how we come across to people.

No matter what the situation is, the words we choose to use can dictate the outcome. We know people who can talk their way out of anything and that is a useful skill to have, to alleviate trouble with our words rather than aggravate the situation.

Compliments as described in the scenario above are another example of when words can be used in a positive manner. It does not take that much effort from our part to notice the goodness in others and appreciate that. Letting them know that you have noticed it gives them a boost and brightens up their day.

Our words can also be used to curse, condemn, criticise and sadly, this is an option that too many people choose. There is usually not much to be gained by using vile language. It only makes things worse and the situation reflects on you badly and can be a blot on your character.

I hope we can all be more mindful of our words and the impact they can have.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was waiting in the queue at the till when she was confronted with a figure from her past. She was called Laila and Judith remembered her vividly because she had bullied Judith all throughout high school.

Judith looked around and wondered whether she should swap to another queue. But then she thought, why should she? She had no reason to hide.

As Judith moved to the front of the queue, the name badge revealed that it was indeed Laila. Surprisingly, she recognised Judith straight away.

‘Hey Judith, is that you? We went to high school together?’

‘Erm, yeah’, Judith said uneasily. She was trying hard to suppress the feelings and emotions coming to her when she thought about being bullied, it was awful.

Laila proceeded to chat away amiably. It was almost time for Judith to leave when her tone of voice changed.

She sounded sad and reflective as she said, ‘I’m sorry Judith for what I did to you back then. I used to make fun of you so much, I am sorry for being so hurtful.’

Judith was shocked that she had made an apology.

‘The only reason I did those things was because I was so insecure and unhappy with myself. I took my own hurt out on others. Can you forgive me?’

Judith felt pity for Laila.

‘There’s nothing to forgive. I didn’t hold it against you, I hope things are better for you now.’

Dear you,

Sadly, bullying has become commonplace now. It is widespread in schools especially but also extends to workplaces and other settings. Being a victim of bullying can leave lifelong scars.

However, I want to shift the focus to the perpetrators of bullying. As we see in Laila’s case above, bullies usually have reasons for their behaviours. And a lot of the time, it does not have anything to do with their victims.

‘Hurting people hurt people’. This means that many of us are hurting inside and due to this, we take it out on others. We have all done this at some point.

For the bullies, the hurt inside festers and they have no release. They are usually struggling with their own pain and insecurities. They end up belittling others to feel a sense of power and control. This is not a constructive way to deal with pain and leads to many negative repercussions. 

There are many measures in place nowadays to spot bullying and resolve it, this is progress. However, more attention need to be paid to what the reason behind bullying is. Especially if it occurs at a young age, those experiences lay the foundation of what people’s life as adults will be like.

Let us all aim for a kinder world where bullies and their victims are better understood and cared for.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

It had been a long day and Judith just wanted to get home. The weather was miserable too so she could not wait to get into the comfort of her house.

She strode to the bus stop, quickening her pace. She checked the bus timetable and quickly went to look in her purse for change.

Unfortunately, she could not find any. She couldn’t find her purse at all.  A moment of panic set in, she struggled to think of where it could be. She definitely had taken it with her when she left the house this morning.

She tried to retrace her steps during the day in her mind. She had been to a lot of places though. Her purse could be in any of them.

She was near the library where she was last at so she went back into the building and looked everywhere but in vain. She notified the staff of the incident and they promised to call her if they found it.

Seeing as she had no money, she did not have any choice but to walk back to her house. The weather had taken a turn for the worse and rain was pounding down and the winds were torrential. It was whilst she was walking back that she noticed something on the floor, it was a wallet.

She picked it up and checked inside. Money! There was quite a bit of money actually. She started thinking what to do next. She could use the money in here to get the bus back and escape from this weather, that would be great.

But wait, someone might be looking for this wallet right now just as she was looking for her purse. She had to turn back and return it to the building. This meant walking a considerable distance back.

Maybe she could just use the money and keep the wallet for tonight and then bring it back tomorrow? It was a very tempting thought but she just knew inside that it would not be the right thing to do.

And she knew that the right thing to do was always the right thing to do.

Dear you,

The distinction between what is ‘right’ and what is ‘wrong’ is something that we are introduced to at a very young age. Thankfully (hopefully), we have had caring parents who have instructed us in the ways of the world.

Even if we have not been taught it, we inherently have a conscience which aids us when making decisions. However, it is not always easy to follow your conscience and do the ‘right’ thing.

Just as in Judith’s scenario above, it can often be really tempting to take the easier and quicker option. Oh, it’s only a small lie. Oh, it’s only a few pounds. Oh, no one will ever know.

No matter how meagre or massive you think the wrongdoing is, wrong is still wrong. There is a danger of going down a slippery slope if we are too lenient with ourselves when it comes to morality.

For example, if we start saying it is okay to steal some money here and there, we might progress to think it is permissible to steal larger amounts from work. Small lies can turn into betrayals. Anger and rage could even end in disastrous actions like violence and death.

In summary, it is best to always do what is right. It may not be the easy option, often it can be the more difficult option. But it is only through doing right and being honest that we can maintain our integrity as a good human being.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith stared at her phone transfixed. She wondered fleetingly how many hours a day she spent on it. Too many, she thought.

It felt like everyone had phones these days. It made her marvel at how humanity had survived thousands of years without having one.

She justified her use of it to herself by saying that it was a necessity, what if there was an emergency? But she had to admit, in all the years of owing a phone, she never really had used it for any emergencies. It was mainly for social media and photos. And those things seemed like a luxury rather than a necessity.

It wasn’t exactly much of a luxury either, she tended to waste a lot of time on social media. She was currently sat on the train and everywhere, all around her, she just noticed people staring into their phones.

It was like the art of conversation had truly and completely disappeared. No one even glanced at each other or smiled any more, everyone was too absorbed by their screens. She noticed a little, cute toddler but was unnerved to notice she had a little mini tablet too and was prodding buttons on it. Evidently, you were exposed to these screens at a very young age now.

She felt a pang for the olden, simpler days. Kids didn’t even seem to just play together and have fun anymore. It was pretty sad.

Dear you,

Our phones have become extensions of our very self. There is literally no time at all when I do not have access to my phone. It is either in my pocket, my bag or somewhere very near me. And the fact is, it doesn’t need to be.

There has been research done on the harmful effects of blue light. Moreover, the use of social media has been linked to many negative effects. Nevertheless, phones have made themselves indispensable. We could not really imagine life without them.

It cannot be said that they don’t have their uses. Phones make things possible within seconds. It can be used to connect with each other and for everyday tasks ranging from checking your bank balance to writing down your shopping list. There are apps that help with a variety of issues.

Balance is the key to life. Too much of anything is not ideal and the same applies to our use of phones. We become so accustomed to using our phones as clutches out in public that we can grab onto that we do not even make the effort to have conversations anymore. Human interaction is dying out in favour of solitary digital time.

I hope we can all learn to use our phones in an appropriate matter and promote their benefits whilst minimising the ill effects.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was sweating profusely. Her heart was pounding and she felt light headed.

‘Judith, are you sure you are okay?’

She swallowed nervously. ‘Erm.. yeah’.

‘Do you want to just stay here and wait for us?’, her friend Ruby asked.

Judith looked around at her and their other friends. There were some looks of concern but some were trying not to laugh at her. And there was also pity in their faces.

She didn’t want any teasing or pity, she had to get on the cable car. She was terrified of heights, that was the reality but she had to just forget about that.

‘No, I’m going on’, she said firmly.

She forced herself to put one foot in front of the other and get into the cable car. It swayed underneath her and she nearly gasped.

Don’t look down, don’t look down, she told herself.

This wasn’t easy to do as the whole carriage was encased in glass. Everywhere she looked, she was confronted with how high up they were.

‘It’s okay Judith, just take deep breaths’, Ruby said. Judith smiled back nervously.

The cable car started its ascent towards the top of the mountains. Everyone around her was taking photos and admiring the view. She just felt paralysed with fear. She thought about the cables supporting them suddenly snapping and plummeting to her death.

A few minutes later, the cable car reached the top and stopped.

She heard the people around her take a sharp intake of breath and say ‘wow’.

Judith wanted to see the view, she wasn’t missing out because of some irrational fear.

She forced herself to open her eyes. Slowly, her body began to adjust to her surroundings.

She marvelled at the beauty around her and commended herself for overcoming her fear. Otherwise, she would have been standing down there filled with regret.

Dear you,

We all have fears, even the people who seem fearless and confident. This is nothing to be ashamed of or hide.

I’m sure we all know numerous people who are afraid of spiders. For people who are not scared of spiders, this can seem bewildering. They would realise that it is irrational to be scared of these small insects. But when our minds are clouded with fear, rational thoughts take a back seat.

Our fears can hold us back from experiencing life to the full, as in Judith’s example above. If she had decided to stay back consumed by her fear of heights, then she would have missed out on the stunning view at the top. But obviously, it was not easy to ignore her fear of heights.

The only constructive way to deal with fear is sometimes to ignore it. If we give it too much power, it can really affect us negatively. Sometimes, we just have to do things we are afraid of. Otherwise, we would never go out of our comfort zone. We would just stick to the usual routine of life without any exhilarating new experiences to enjoy.

Conquering and overcoming our fears can seem daunting and it may take a lot of effort but we can all take small steps towards being courageous by doing things we may normally be afraid of.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Lately, Judith was feeling overwhelmed.

There was just too many things to do. Too many commitments and responsibilities. And moreover, a whole horde of expectations.

She didn’t like letting anybody down. So she always strived to do everything to the best possible standard. But that standard just seemed to be getting higher and higher to the point of being unattainable.

Everyone at work expected her to be proficient at her job. Everyone in her family expected her support in all matters. And her friends expected her advice and company at all times.

And then there were never ending expectations from society. Everyone was expected to look a certain way. Have certain possessions. Go to certain places. She didn’t even know how all this had started. 

All these expectations were getting too much.

She longed to just be herself. She longed to just relax more and tell people ‘no, sorry, I can’t actually do that for you’. But she feared letting people down. Instead she let herself down again and again.

When she thought about it, she realised she barely made any time for herself. She was too busy trying to fulfill other people’s expectations.

Something had to change.

Dear you,

Expectations. We all battle with them continuously and it can be very tiring. Always trying to live up to other people’s expectations can leave us discontent.

We often place high expectations on ourselves. We expect to achieve certain goals by certain times but life does not always go as planned. Therefore, we can live trapped in a cycle of disappointment.

And then we can also get into the habit of expecting too much from the people around us. We might notice that when other people need us, we are there for them. But they might not always be there for us. Sometimes we might even notice that people only really approach us when they need something from us.

Wherever the source of expectations, we have to realise that life will not match up to those expectations. People are flawed, circumstances are unreliable and there are constant change in most aspects of our life.

We must be flexible when we make goals and aspirations. And we must strive not to match up to expectations but just try to do the best we possibly can.

If we put in all our talents and strengths and give it our best shot, then there is so need for disappointment. It might not be what others expect of you but that is not the most important thing.

The most important thing is being happy in yourself.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

What do you think Judith?’

‘Erm.. Whatever you guys want. I don’t mind.’

Judith had gone through this question and answer regime hundreds of times in her life. She seemed to automatically assume a stance of wanting to please others even if it meant being unhappy herself.

Once again, she found herself in this situation. Her colleagues at work had decided to throw a surprise birthday party for someone in their team. The plans were becoming extravagant and expensive, in Judith’s opinion. But as usual, she felt the need to comply with the majority. She didn’t want to offend anyone after all.

This need to please other people had always existed. Growing up, she craved the approval of her parents, then her brother. Once at school, her peers opinion of her meant a lot. She was often called ‘a teacher’s pet’ in her endless mission to please her teachers too. This need persisted into her adulthood resulting in her now being somewhat of a pushover.

‘But I’m just being nice’, she would argue with herself. However, she realised that more and more, she was sacrificing her own happiness and comfort for people who gave her no consideration. This colleague who the birthday party was for, Judith didn’t even know her! Yet here she was, nodding along to all the plans and willing to sacrifice her time and money against her inclinations.

When discussion turned to contributing more money to buy a present and cake too, Judith forced herself to voice her opinion. She did not want to be a part of this and she had no reason to be. She knew that stating this would make her unpopular with her colleagues, they would most likely gossip about this. Then again, who were these people? How would their gossip affect her?

She took a deep breath and told them that she would not be joining in with these plans. Her response was initially met with silence and then murmurs of contempt. She didn’t stay back to listen. Judith walked away, patting herself on the back for finally staying true to what she wanted rather than simply wanting to please others.

Dear you,

We have often found ourselves in situations like Judith. We find ourselves plastering on a smile and nodding along to other people’s plans. Internally, we do not agree but we are hesitant to voice a conflicting opinion because we know it wouldn’t be received well. And it matters to us what other people think of us. In fact, it matters too much to us and that creates a lot of problems.

Wanting to please others may seem like an innocent motive. After all, it is nice to make other people happy and see them happy, right? Of course, yes. But that does not mean we have to keep compromising our own beliefs and wants. “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything”. (Quote attributed to Alexander Hamilton). This quote insinuates that if we do not stand up for things we end up so lackadaisical that we just let anything happen.

Some might argue this is being ‘chilled out’ and ‘open minded’. It is certainly an asset to be relaxed and calm rather than stressed and irate. But the core issue is of whether you are staying true to yourself.

Even from childhood, we have that inherent craving of approval from others. This only magnifies as we enter teenage life and feel the need to fit in. And then many years later, we are still stuck in the same patterns of trying to please others but for no valid reason.

Your opinions matter and your feelings matter. Not everyone respects this and that sets the tone for the relationships you have with people. If they are not taking you into consideration and instead expect you to adhere to all their demands, then that is not acceptable and you need to rethink that relationship.

So, I hope we can all quench the need to please others and stand up for ourselves when we need to.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Another year had finished. And to Judith’s bewilderment, people would not stop talking about it.

She didn’t understand what the big deal was. Days began, days finished. Another day comes, then another. It was not really a shocking revelation that the 1^st of January would come after the 31^st December after all.

What irked her most was how people constantly kept asking her what her plans for New Year’s Eve were. In reality, that eve would just be like every other eve. She’d sit at home curled up with a book or watching something funny. She was comfortable with that but was not comfortable with having to answer questions about it.

She also found the procedure of making new year’s resolutions very pointless. Some people seemed to think that a new year meant that magically, they would transform into a completely new person. So they always vowed to improve themselves only to concede defeat a few days later.

Judith thought that setting goals was a productive and sensible approach to life. In fact, she thrived on fulfilling her goals and reaching new milestones in her life. But, these goals had to be realistic. Sure, she would love to travel the whole world. But was that really going to happen this year? Most likely not.

She hated the disappointment of planning things and aiming for things but then it never working out. This happened a lot as life could be unpredictable in the extreme. She loved dreaming of things in the future and she didn’t feel it would be a good thing to stop that. But she had also learnt to accept that life had a lot of limitations.

When she thought of the craze of new year’s resolutions and what possible things she might hope to improve about herself, she felt overwhelmed. There were far too many improvements to make. Physically, intellectually, emotionally. She almost just thought that it was futile to do any of it but then reminded herself that something is better than nothing. She had to take small steps and even the most insurmountable mountain could be climbed by conquering small steps.

Dear you,

A new year is a new start. But every day is a new beginning. We don’t make a big fanfare about it like we do at the start of the year. Often, we sometimes just forget that change is a possibility once we get stuck in the demanding mundanities of life. But it is never too late to make a change.

Then the question arises, what do I change? Just like Judith, once we start considering ourselves, we may get overwhelmed with how much more we want to achieve. But giving up is never going to produce the result you want.

We must not under estimate the power of small steps. You have probably heard the phrase ‘one step at a time’ numerous times. This could have the significance of a life motto. Even though it sounds very simple, if we consider it, we realise that we can actually only do one thing at a time. Yet, we are always distracted by the things around us. We dwell on the past and fret about the future.

Whatever resolutions or goals you have for the year, I hope you are able to persevere with it. Wishing you all a very happy new year! I hope the blog continues to grow with your support this year.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊