spreadyoursmile

“Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Judith stared at the question on the screen. It was a common one in interviews, in reflections and even from her relatives sometimes.

When she was younger, it had seemed like a very exciting question. Five years seemed like a long time. The prospect of being older, more independent and more successful was exhilarating.

But as she had grown older and somewhat wiser, she had realised how futile planning really was.

This was particularly hard for her to accept as she loved planning things. She relished making to – do lists and countdowns and planning events. She liked to look forward to things and record them in her diary, planner and calendar.

In life, a certain amount of planning was certainly essential. Otherwise, Judith wouldn’t have enough food in the fridge. She wouldn’t make it to any of her appointments. She wouldn’t even know the direction she was driving.

However, she had come to realise the hard way, through experience after experience that there were a lot of things you simply cannot plan for. Life always had surprises and curveballs.

This was especially true of long term plans. Even with all her planning and organisational abilities, she could not possibly anticipate everything that lay ahead.

Thus the question in front of her was impossible to answer accurately. She saw herself doing and being a lot of things in five years’ time. Those things were uncertain. What was certain was that her life would not go as she planned. And she would have to accept that was okay.

Dear you,

Plans. We all make them.

But they rarely work out the way we imagine.

This can be disheartening especially in a year such as this. There have been numerous plans which have had to be curtailed due to the pandemic. We are still in a stage where things are uncertain which makes planning very precarious.

However, there is always a positive.

And the positive we can take away is the realisation and acceptance that things do NOT go according to plan.

Life goes on. And it is our attitude to the change in plans which affects things. If we are constantly bemoaning the way things ‘could’ have been, if we are always fantasising about ‘what if’ scenarios, then life can become very tedious.

On the other hand, let us appreciate what is going on in our lives right now. Just because our plans haven’t worked out, doesn’t mean we need to get despondent.

Life is full of experiences, encounters, opportunities. You may even realise that things work out in ways that are a lot better than the plans you initially made!

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Everyone seemed to want to attain world peace. Judith was no different. But having peace even as an individual or a family was difficult enough.

As a teenager, she had passionately advocated many causes. She thoroughly believed she could change the world and nothing would stand in her way.

As the years went by, she realised how naïve she had been. She had good intentions but putting them into practice in this world was a struggle.

Nevertheless, she still felt moved by the atrocities in the world. A certain incident had taken place recently. She was at a family gathering and there were different opinions on it.

‘But it’s their fault..’

‘No, it’s that group of people…’

‘Oh, they’re always like that..’

These were some of the things she was hearing. She realised that people were quick to place blame. People were certainly quick to judge. But that didn’t help. In fact, any resentment on our behalf just adds to the hate fuelled actions of others.

Dear you,

Just like Judith, I had a very idealistic view of the world when I was younger. Maybe you did too.

Sadly, we quickly realise that the world is far from ideal. Recently, there have been a spate of attacks which have been truly horrendous to read about.

There are so many things wrong with the world and we can rightly feel indignant. But part of reality is accepting that there are a lot of things we cannot control in this world.

There is one thing you can be sure of changing – yourself. Your attitudes, opinions, perspectives. The way we handle things and look at things makes a lot of difference.

Instead of arguing about whose fault things are, we can think of ways to help overcome unfair prejudices.

We can be more empathetic and compassionate. And if we all adopt that approach, world peace becomes a more achievable goal that we can strive towards together.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Recently, I have written a set of devotionals about the theme of forgiveness. There are six and the links are as follows:

https://myjourneyoffaith.com/what-does-jesus-say/
https://myjourneyoffaith.com/parable-of-the-unmerciful-servant/
https://myjourneyoffaith.com/house-of-sinners/
https://myjourneyoffaith.com/caught-in-adultery/
https://myjourneyoffaith.com/sins-are-forgiven/
https://myjourneyoffaith.com/they-know-not-what-they-do/

There is also a bit about myself and my faith journey which can be found at https://myjourneyoffaith.com/steffi-siby-3/

Please do have a look and feel free to share 🙂

Judith was over at her neighbour Edith’s place. A distant family member of hers had recently arrived from Kenya.

Ida was in her twenties but it seemed like she had been through an awful lot.

‘I had to drop out of school to work and earn money for my family. And then at 14, I was married off’.

‘To a horrible horrible man’, Edith exclaimed.

‘Yes’, Ida said sadly. ‘He would beat me a lot.. I blamed myself at the start. It took me a long time to ask for help’.

‘I’m so glad you came to live with me’, Edith said.

‘So am I. But women back home are really struggling. There’s a lot of violence. I actually found Edith through the help of a charity. I volunteer with them now and want to help as many women as possible.’

‘Oh wow’, Judith exclaimed.

She was disturbed by all the sufferings that Ida had to endure. But it was remarkable that she had come out of it a survivor and now wanted to help other women. It was truly inspiring.

‘Ida, let me know the details of the charity too please. I want to help in any way I can.’

Dear you,

1 in 3 women worldwide will experience violence in their lifetime, most likely at the hands of someone they know.

5 women are killed every hour by their partner or family member.

In India, every 15 minutes, a girl or woman is raped.

These are shocking statistics.

There are so many issues that pervade the world.

Domestic violence, sexual harassment, sexual violence, child marriage, acid attacks, human trafficking, female genital mutilation (FGM) are just some of many injustices occurring around the world.

Realising this can be very overwhelming and disheartening. After all, you are just one person. How could you possibly tackle this?

Well, good news is, every little thing counts. Even if it is only a few pounds you can donate, that makes a difference. If you sign a petition, if you share a fundraiser, if you advocate for social issues, you are contributing to the effort.

It’s completely natural to feel overwhelmed by these issues but the important thing is to NOT be indifferent. We cannot simply ignore and turn a blind eye to the plight of our fellow brothers and sisters.

Let us all strive do what we can to help others in need. And let us never become discouraged.

We may not see clearly the results of our efforts. But sometimes, we can impact and inspire others through our actions without even realising. We may be changing lives so it is essential to never give up.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was meeting up with her friend Ingrid. They had been friends for many years and she vividly remembered the day that she realised she was a true friend.

They had both been out shopping with some other friends. Judith had been trying on clothes for a while and had spent quite a lot of money already.

She was very excitable and kept getting more and more adventurous with her choices.

‘What do you think of this?’, she asked referring to a particularly bright dress.

Most of her friends laughed and nodded along but Ingrid did not. She stared at her resolutely.

‘Judith, no, it doesn’t look good at all. Can you please stop trying clothes on? You’ve already spent so much. What’s the matter with you today?’

Judith was taken aback. The rest of her friends stared at Ingrid surprised.

She felt anger flare up at Ingrid. But then she looked in the mirror and realised that she did look ridiculous. She needed to hear the truth in that moment.

Judith needed to hear the truth at times and Ingrid’s honesty was a very valuable trait. Needless to say, Judith hadn’t kept in touch with the other friends who were happy to lie to her. But her friendship with Ingrid had survived many hurdles. And that was due to the honesty and trust they shared.

Dear you,

We are so worried about offending people that we hold back from saying a lot of things. And that may be the right thing to do.

But in friendships, the right thing is to always be honest.

In order to avoid any awkwardness or conflict, it can be easy to just go along with whatever your friends say and do.

However, if you’re a true friend, it is your duty and responsibility to let them know when you think they’re wrong.

This honesty becomes even more important in some situations. If your friend has hurt you in some way, naturally, you’d get annoyed.

But you may not naturally tell your friend. You might let it get to you. You might try to forget it. You might store it up inside you and feel resentful.

Also, you might tell someone else about it and complain about that person together. Such issues can really impact friendships in a negative way.

To avoid such drama, the best policy is always honesty.

So, if you want to be a true friend to others, remember to always try and be honest. If you want others to be a true friend to you, accept these truths humbly.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Lately, Judith always found herself getting annoyed. From the moment she woke up, there would be something bothering her and making her snappy.

This was affecting her life in a very negative way.

Even though she would have liked to control her life, she had come to realise that life was largely out of control. This meant that many circumstances came up that she was not prepared for. Instead of adjusting and accepting this, she always got annoyed.

There was a particular colleague at work who seemed to really get on Judith’s nerves. The way she spoke, her voice and her mannerisms irked Judith continuously.

But then, Judith was thinking about herself. How annoying and irritating her own habits could be. She frustrated herself sometimes when faced with all her shortcomings.

As she thought about this, she realised that every person had their faults but the right thing to do was to overlook those faults and hope they did the same for you.

Dear you,

We all generally tend to love being liked and complimented. That can definitely be a boost.

However, not everything and everyone in life will be complimentary. There are bound to be difficult situations and people.

How we react to these difficulties says a lot about ourselves. Like Judith, we can find ourselves getting constantly annoyed by things, even small things.

This is an easy trap to fall into. But every negative also has a positive within it. When others irritate us, like Judith, we need to remember that we are not perfect ourselves.

Also, we can take these annoyances as occasions to learn how to be patient. When we endure through difficult times, that builds our character and moulds us into better people.

So next time we are getting wound up, take a step back and rethink. Think of how you can learn from that situation.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith looked at her diary, her planner, her e-mails, her to-do lists.

There was a lot going on. It was quite overwhelming. And the main thing she noticed was that a lot of things were unfinished.

This was unfortunately something she did quite a lot. She would get excited about an idea or project. She would pursue it with a lot of enthusiasm. But then as time went on and there were more demands made of her, she faltered and eventually just gave up.

Now faced with all the things she had started but never completed, she realised she would have to change this habit.

Persistence was important. It was hard to persevere with something especially when a lot of challenges come up. But if it mattered enough to her, she had to push through and complete it.

She looked through everything and took a deep breath. She would start again and try again. And this time, she would keep trying.

Dear you,

We live in such a busy world. There’s endless possibilities of things we could pick up to occupy our time. Hobbies, courses, sports..

Starting new projects and learning new things can be a very enriching experience. But the fact is, every endeavour comes with its challenges.

Some people love challenges and thrive on them. Others, like Judith, don’t approach it like that. They are more likely to give up.

In this day and age, we are used to getting pretty much everything and anything with a few clicks. If you don’t want to wait for something, such as a delivery, you can pay extra to get super-fast delivery.

We get everything so instantly that the concept of deferred gratification can be frustrating. But that’s the reality.

Sometimes, we have to put a lot of effort into things and we have to keep persisting till we see any results.

Sometimes, we won’t see any positive results at all despite having tried again and again.

But with habits, with tasks, with projects, if you don’t persevere, you will never reach your goal. And you’ll never know what you’re capable of achieving.

So if today you feel like giving up, don’t. Think again. Take a deep breath and start again just like Judith did.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was at a friend’s wedding. Her friend was from an ethnic minority group. Judith didn’t know anyone there at the wedding. The language and rituals were also foreign to her. 

Everyone seemed to be friendly. However, there seemed to be a lot of discussion about the young people who would be going to university, presumably because it had been results day a few days ago. 

Judith was alarmed to see a young girl crying as her mother furiously berated her. People had gathered around her which was making the situation worse.

‘What are you going to do now? You have brought shame on us..’, her mother wailed.

The young girl kept crying silently. 

Judith wondered what awful thing had happened. As if reading her thoughts, one of the young women around her came over and whispered. 

‘That’s Rumi. She is a very clever girl and she was meant to go to a top university to study law. But she did not get the grades and she’s saying she wants to study drama. Oh, what a disgrace!’

Judith shook her head in disbelief. She was seething inside but she didn’t feel like it was her place to say something. After all, this was a completely different culture and completely different set of rules than she was accustomed to. She felt sympathy for Rumi and wanted to console her.

Dear you,

Different cultures have different traditions and habits. Being part of a community within a community can be valuable for our identity and well-being. 

However, many communities have their own prejudices too. There is a certain way of doing things. There is conflict between old and young due to the generation gap. 

A big problem we are all guilty of is comparison and judgement. From a young age, we are conditioned to evaluate ourselves in comparison to others. This is fine to an extent but often it fails to acknowledge our value as individuals.

We are all different and that is a beautiful thing. Imagine if we all had the same talents and personalities. That would be very boring.

Moreover, society would not function. There needs to be people who are able to do academic, high powered jobs. But there also needs to be people who take on other roles that keep society going.

Comparing one to the other and placing judgement might mean we consider one as ‘better’ than the other. This is not a good approach. None of us are ‘better’ than each other. 

“The only person you should try to be better than… is the person you were yesterday”.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was watching television with her brother who was visiting. There was a segment about different violent riots and protests in recent years and all the damage they had caused.

She shook her head in dismay and said, ‘It’s so sad that people go to such extreme measures’.

‘Well, I can kind of see it from their viewpoint’, her brother retorted.

Judith looked at him in disbelief.

‘Surely no. Jude, are you saying violence is acceptable then?’

‘Well, no. Well.. yeah. Some really bad stuff has happened to these people though. They were mistreated and oppressed. So many injustices. Obviously they’re going to be angry’.

‘Yes, but what can they gain out of using violence?’

‘I guess for them it’s revenge. I didn’t say it was right. I can understand why they would be really angry. I would be too’.

‘Fine, they would be angry, you would be angry and I would be too. But violence is not the solution. It never is’.

Dear you,

We are exposed to violence around us through different means. The television. Social media. Even video games and other things aimed at children contain violence, exposing people to it at a very young age.

Some of us may have been unfortunate to witness violence first hand in some way or another. Furthermore, we may have been victims to violence. It goes without saying that this can be a very traumatic experience.

Violence perpetuates violence. If you don’t retaliate, it dies out. And that is the key in putting an end to violence. Choosing to respond in a non-violent way.

Violence is always destructive and harmful. We are not. We can rise above and let our goodness shine through.

Working against violence is something we can all be a part of. It starts with each of us personally, then in our families and communities, workplaces and universities.

Adopting an approach filled with peace speaks volumes about our character. Kindness is a far better ally than any weapon.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was out with a friend, having lunch.

‘Ooh, what are you getting?’

Judith perused the menu and declared, ‘I want to try something new’.

Her friend scrunched up her nose. She wasn’t a fan of trying new things.

‘But how do you know it’s nice? I always go for the safe option’, she remarked.

Judith laughed inwardly.

‘Well, you can’t know if it’s nice until you get it. And even if it’s not nice, at least you will have tried something different, right?’

Her friend did not look convinced at all.

‘No, I’m just going to stick to what I know’.

Judith shrugged.

Dear you,

Some people are more adventurous than others.

But sometimes we place too many limitations on ourselves so that we don’t fully experience life.

This scenario only depicts a minor example. Trying new things can extend to trying new hobbies, places, even careers.

All these things come with a risk. And there is a big risk that it may not work out and that you don’t like it.

Regardless, it is still an experience that you can learn something from. If you don’t give it a try at all, you aren’t learning anything. There’s no progress, you’re merely holding yourself back.

So next time you are tempted to stick to the same old thing, widen your horizons. Think outside the box and you may be surprised by the outcome!

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊