spreadyoursmile

Judith was away in a distant country. She was immersing herself in the different sights and sounds. She loved experiencing new cultures.

However, there seemed to be a lot of restrictions in what they were allowed to wear at the different tourist attractions. There was a specific dress code they had to adhere to.

Judith’s friends did not respond well to this. These were some of the remarks that were made.

‘I should be allowed to wear what I want’.

‘It’s against our rights and our freedom. I shouldn’t have to change my clothes to adapt to their views. They should change their views and accept us. We’re paying for these tourist attractions after all and helping their economy!’

‘They shouldn’t impose their rules onto us’.

Judith listened to these complaints and thought about her own stance. She would definitely prefer to wear whatever she wanted. But she could understand that different cultures had different rules. And she thought that the right thing to do was to show respect.

Dear you,

Recently, we have been faced with restrictions like never before in our lifetime. Even though it has been difficult, most of us could probably appreciate that it was for the safety and good of all.

However, now that face masks or coverings have been made mandatory in a wide range of settings, there seems to be a lot of backlash. There have even been mass protests in some parts of the world, arguing that masks are against people’s freedom.

Freedom is valuable but we often take it for granted. It isn’t until we can’t do something that we realise how much we liked doing that thing in the first place.

No one really likes being told to do. However, we can all agree that rules are necessary for any civilised society to function.

But how far is too far? Is telling people they have to wear something violating their freedom?

I think we need to look at the big picture here. In the case of masks, there is scientific evidence to support their use. They may be uncomfortable for sure but they do not have any significant adverse effects. If we consider it, the benefits to society far outweigh the risks which is merely personal discomfort.

I agree that everyone’s freedom should be respected. But we should also try our best to think of others and do what is necessary for the greater good.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was out in the garden tending to her flowers. They were looking beautiful.

She glanced over to her neighbour’s garden and frowned. The grass was overgrown and weeds were sprouting. This surprised her because her neighbour Edith usually kept her garden in a pristine condition.

Judith decided she would go ask Edith if she needed help with her garden, she could cut the grass for her.

When her neighbour opened the door, Judith stared in shock. The lady who always looked calm and composed looked visibly distraught and anxious.

‘Edith, what’s wrong? Are you okay?’

‘I’m okay love. Just going through a hard time. How come you’re here?’

‘I saw that your grass needed cutting and wondered if you wanted me to do it for you?’

‘Oh, that’s very kind of you. I just haven’t gotten the chance to do it.. I’ve not really been out anywhere. After I had that fall last month, I’ve just been quite scared to go out in case I fall again.’

‘Aw, that sounds terrible but I can understand why you’d be scared. What have you been doing indoors?’

‘Not a lot dear. I don’t have any family nearby and not many friends either. So it gets really lonely.’

Judith nodded in sympathy. She decided she needed to make more of an effort to check up on and help Edith in any way she can.

Dear you,

Loneliness and isolation affects everyone to some degree. Older people may be more prone to it especially if they live alone.

Imagine being isolated already and then being told you have to ‘self-isolate’ and ‘shield’ from the world. That is what the pandemic has meant for millions of people.

Not being able to go out has imposed a new level of isolation. As we have all probably realised, there’s only so much you can do at home till it gets quite boring and tedious.

Loneliness is a complex issue with many reasons and many factors to take into consideration. But when someone is feeling that way, just knowing that somebody else cares can make a massive impact.

We don’t have to have all the solutions to their problems. We don’t even have to get involved with their lives if we don’t want to.

All it takes is a smile and a kind word.

So during these times, when loneliness and isolation is affecting people in a profound way, let us make the effort to combat this in any way we can.

Maybe you could check up on someone, call someone or send them something. It doesn’t have to be big, it just has to be sincere and done out of love.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was talking to one of her friends. She was a kind and caring friend who was very supportive. But she tended to complain about things. A lot.

‘I can’t believe how bad this job is, it’s so difficult. I don’t like the office. I don’t like the people, I don’t like anything about it’, she wailed to Judith.

‘But you said it was your dream job, you spent so much time applying for jobs and you really wanted this job’, Judith said to remind her friend.

‘I guess. But I don’t like it. Maybe I should look for another job’.

‘Maybe. Are you sure you will like that job though?’

‘Probably not. My housemates are really annoying, I don’t like the flat at all…’

Her friend went on and on, complaining about many aspects of her life.

By the time Judith had stopped speaking to her, she felt deflated. It took a lot of energy to constantly try to reassure her friend. And it’s not like her friend listened anyway. It had been this way for years. Some people, Judith concluded, would complain no matter what.

Dear you,

How many times do we complain daily?

A lot.

How many of those complaints are valid and necessary?

Not a lot.

Yes, life is filled with inconveniences and frustrations. It is very easy to get annoyed with these but that doesn’t achieve anything.

Human beings are used to complaining about things. It is unfortunate that we are so used to it that we automatically do it rather than expressing gratitude.

In the above scenario, Judith’s friend dislikes her job. However, as Judith points out, another job wouldn’t be a solution as there would be things to complain about there too.

It is not realistic to wait for a change in circumstances to start being grateful. Whatever circumstances you may be in, there will always be things to complain about. But the good news is, there’s always things to be grateful for too!

It is all about perspective.

So, next time we complain about our job, think of those who have lost their jobs. When we complain about how small our house is, think of the homeless. When we complain about our family, think of the orphaned and abused.

What we focus on grows. If we are constantly feeding our brain with negative thoughts and complaints, that is what will keep growing.

However, if we focus on the good in our life and choose to be grateful, then that will grow and nourish us.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

It had been a long day. Judith was planning to cook which she enjoyed, it relaxed her.

She raided her cupboards, trying to find all the ingredients she needed.

“BRRRRRRRRRRR”, her phone rang out loud, startling her.

It was a reminder popping up on her phone. Something she had to do before tomorrow. She rushed to get it done.

Back in the kitchen, she had gotten most of her ingredients ready when the doorbell rang. She sighed and answered it. It was the little girl who lived next door who had once again kicked her ball into Judith’s garden.

After returning the ball, Judith momentarily forgot where she had put the knife and spent a while searching for it. She suddenly remembered that she had left something in the car before so went to fetch it.

She had just turned on the hob when the phone rang again, this time a phone call from her brother. She tried to speak and cook at the same time which proved difficult. The smoke was gathering and the smoke alarm would start beeping any second.

Far from being relaxing, everything had been incredibly frustrating so far. She went to check the time on her phone but there were several notifications from apps which demanded her attention instantly.

By the time she had attended to everything, she was too tired to resume cooking. She would just have to order a takeaway instead.

Dear you,

I think all of us will have been in some variation of the above scenario. We plan to get something done but then numerous things keep popping up and get in the way. When we have finally addressed all the issues that come up, we have been too far distracted from our initial aim.

The fact is, there are several distractions all around us, all the time. In an ideal world, our plans would go how we wanted and we would be satisfied with the outcome. But life doesn’t work like that.

As distractions are inevitable, it is the way we respond to them that matters.

If another person needs your help and time, the right response would be to help. However, our phones have so many apps now which keep sending notifications and alerts. We may be lured into thinking that these things need our instant attention but they don’t.

Prioritising is a skill that needs to be built up and comes through experience. Firstly, we need to appreciate that our time is truly valuable. We never get a wasted moment back.

We also need to have realistic expectations. I’m the sort of person who makes to-do lists. Others have other methods of organisation and planning. However, we have to be flexible because life throws many surprises at us.

Rather than seeing the distractions as a nuisance, accept them. We should make an effort to think about how to respond to them most appropriately.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was clearing out her wardrobes and drawers. She was surrounded by clothes and accessories, she had so many things.

She couldn’t recall buying some of this stuff. A lot of the things were just taking up space, she didn’t use them at all. Others were clearly too old and too small to fit her. Yet, she had continued to keep them.

Judith did donate things to charity sporadically. However, she didn’t find it easy to part with her things. Some things held memories and sentiments for sure. But a lot of the stuff she hoarded was junk.

She didn’t particularly think she was a materialistic person but she realised now surrounded by numerous useless possessions, that she was indeed materialistic and put too much value in her belongings. There were things here that other people less fortunate than her could be using if only if she was generous enough to give them away.

Judith started organising all the clutter into piles and made sure that the biggest pile was going to be of all the things she would be giving away to charity. It was about time.

Dear you,

We live in such a consumerist and capitalist society. We all have a lot of stuff, much more than we realise.

Owning things is not inherently bad, in fact it is essential for survival. But when we obtain too much and start hoarding things we don’t need, that can become a problem.

There are enough resources in the world for everyone to live off. Sadly, that is not what happens. There are millions who struggle for basic necessities whilst there are many who have far more luxuries than they could ever need.

As in Judith’s scenario above, we might not think we are materialistic. But how many possessions are we holding onto? Is there stuff in your cupboards that you don’t use and won’t use which could potentially help someone in need?

If there is, wouldn’t it be better to donate it rather than keeping it and wasting it?

We can’t solve all the inequalities and injustices in the world. But we can be conscientious about the possessions we do have. We should try our best not to waste what we have. We can try not to buy more than we need.

Things which may seem simple such as not wasting water and not wasting food can have an impact. I hope this post makes you think about the way you use your possessions and urges you to be more mindful in the way you deal with your belongings.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

“I wasn’t really aware of racism till I came to secondary school. There has been a few occasions when I did encounter racism. But the incident that had the biggest impact on me was in year 10. One of my cousins was in my year at the same secondary school. He told us that a group of guys always referred to us as ‘blackies.’ I knew that I had dark skin and had been self-conscious about it for most of my life but I thought dark skin was just disliked by South Asians I never knew I would be discriminated against in school. This was especially upsetting because these boys were actually so nice to our face but talked all kinds of bad things behind our backs. This made me wonder who else in school talked behind our backs and said bad things about us just because of the colour of our skin and our ethnicity. Now that our cousin had pointed this out to us I was more wary of these guys and sometimes when they were in our classes I could feel them looking at us and whispering and laughing about us- referring to us as blackies. I already had a low self-esteem and at this point I really hit rock bottom. I was so devastated and I questioned God why did you make me this way. I guess bullying and racism came hand in hand in my case and it made me hate the way I look. As a result of these events, I developed social anxiety. I went into secondary school being a really confident person and when year 11 finished came out as a person who hated herself and had a such low confidence. It’s been a few years since all of this happened but I have come a long way: a long journey of self-acceptance and self-love but I am slowly getting there. I sometimes wonder to myself do these people actually know the huge impact they have on people’s lives. For them it might just be a bit of fun and some words but to another person it affects their self-esteem and their confidence. Are we all not the same? All human beings? Yet you do not define me by my nature or personality but by the colour of my skin. I wonder to myself would I have different friends, be going to a different university, had a different future if all this had not happened. But then I remember Jeremiah 29:11- God has always had a plan for me. A plan for my better future. So now instead of worrying about my past, present and future, I just surrender it all to God and let Him do the worrying.” 

Dear you,

The account above is not fictional. It is a real life account and I hope you are saddened by it just as I am.

What it highlights is that racism can have such a profound negative effect on somebody’s life in so many ways. Some careless words or actions can cause a whole lot of pain.

Racism has been an issue that has been prominent in the news recently. However, I do not think this is something that should be brought up now and again, only to then be forgotten about. This is something we must always make a conscious effort to oppose.

We might automatically claim that we are not racist.

What about generalisations? What about judging others? What about prejudices?

Knowingly or unknowingly, we have all acquired these things. We may not even realise this because they have been so deeply ingrained in us.

If we are truthful, we automatically judge a person based on their appearance and form initial impressions. But how many times have your initial impressions been wrong?

Let us not be blinded by preconceived notions.

Another matter to consider is our silent acquiescence. Not speaking up is condoning the action. When you are tempted to be silent, just think, what if you were in their shoes? Would you want someone to stand up for you? Of course you would.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was talking to her friend Ingrid who had lost her father recently and was devastated.

‘I feel like everything’s just carried on as normal. But for me, my whole world has changed.’

Judith didn’t know what to say to this. She understood what her friend was saying. When her grandmother passed away, she was stricken with grief. People around her offered their condolences and support. But a month or two later, no one mentioned it anymore.

Grief was a particularly distressing emotion. She had not really known what to do with how overwhelming it was. She didn’t feel able to talk about it because it seemed like a very personal type of pain.

She tried to reflect on her own experience and say something helpful to Ingrid.

‘Ingrid, you’re going through something so difficult. I might not know what exactly to say or do but I am here for you. Also, you shouldn’t hold back from talking about it. As time goes on, the pain eases but it is still there.’

Dear you,

Chances are, you have experienced grief in some way or another. I have heard that death is the only real inevitability in life. However, when it comes, it can come crashing and turn our world upside down.

Grief can manifest itself in different ways. It can depend on the situation, the deceased person, various other circumstances. However, we can all agree that it is a very painful thing to go through.

When pain comes, we are often paralysed with it. If truth be told, none of us are really that good at dealing with it. We may try our best to hide it, we may try different distractions and we may turn to many substances to help us cope.

Even though they might provide a temporary reprieve, none of these are very productive ways of dealing with pain.

As highlighted in Judith’s scenario above, we might not know what to say or do when someone we know is grieving. But that is not the central concern. The main thing is letting them know that you are there. You are thinking of them, praying for them, willing to help them.

Regardless of the source of pain, when we know that there are people to comfort us and help us through it, it becomes a lot easier to deal with.

During this particular time when the coronavirus has ransacked many lives, you may know someone who has been affected by grief. Share this post with them, talk to them and let them know that you are there for them.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Dearest Snickers,

Wow. I don’t know what to say. Firstly, I never thought I would get you and form an incredible relationship with you. Yes, I have always thought dogs are cute but I wouldn’t say I was really set on getting a dog. It came as a surprise. Actually, many things have surprised me in the past few years, things have not turned out as I had hoped. But having you has been the best ever surprise.

It has been such a great experience watching you grow up. There have been difficult times when I haven’t had a clue what to do. A big thank you to google and some knowledgeable friends for helping me out. I guess the most obvious thing I can say is how cute you are. I feel like every day I look at you and marvel at how adorable you are. I’m not even exaggerating, you are just really cute.

More importantly, your personality. Yes, you have some very mischievous and challenging traits. But you also have some really admirable qualities. You are extremely determined once you set your mind on something. You are confident in your ability to get something done. Yet you are also quite relaxed and carefree. You can express and sense emotions in such a profound way. I feel like there are so many things humans can learn from dogs.

The most wonderful thing has been you teaching me how to love better and ultimately how to be a better person. I never thought it possible to love you in the way that I do. Your innocence and loyalty has really moved my heart. You have also taught me to be more patient and more open minded. Seeing your love for me is a truly humbling experience. The affection you show me is beyond what I deserve for sure. I am so grateful to have you in my life.

Happy birthday my little baby/ Snicky/ Snickers/ deckers/absolute little treasure/ cheeky monkey/ cheeky cutes/ adorable little pup/cutest boy in the whole wide world.

If you haven’t already, please do consider donating to and/or sharing the birthday fundraiser we have set up.

https://www.justgiving.com/snickersbirthday

We are supporting Pets As Therapy who send out therapy dogs who can offer comfort and support. They go out to hospitals, hospices, schools, care homes and prisons. Please do share and raise awareness of the incredible work dogs do. Thank you!

Judith was doing the household chores. She was hoovering, something she particularly detested.

Her mind wandered and she found herself thinking about how tiresome life seemed sometimes. Was she happy? What made her happy? What was she meant to be doing with her life?

She didn’t know the answers. Not at all.

She decided to take a break and call her friend Ingrid. Her friend listened to Judith’s thoughts and musings.

‘Everything that happened in your life has brought you to where you are now. So, you’re hoovering, right?’

‘Erm yeah’, Judith answered blandly.

‘I know you hate it. But if you didn’t do it, who would do it?’

‘Well, no one. The flat would just become a mess.’

‘Exactly. There are things that only YOU can do in this world. And they may seem trivial. But they’re not, they are essential to keep things going. You’re special and unique Judith.’

Judith smiled and thanked her friend for her words of wisdom.

Dear you,

What is the purpose of my life?

This is a question we have all probably pondered. I’m not here with an answer or suggestion, I’m just here to reflect on a different approach to thinking about it.

“If you want to change the world, go home and love your family”. (Quote attributed to Mother Teresa).

When we think of our purpose or doing something meaningful, we might also think about ‘changing the world’. But we probably don’t think about going home and loving our family. That just sounds rather normal, rather mundane and commonplace.

However, sometimes what is required of us is to do small things. We might not excel at everything but there is beauty and grace in a person who accepts their responsibilities in life and carries them out willingly.

Again, when we hear the word ‘responsibility’ we are probably not enthused. But it is the little things that we do that can really add up and make an impact. And what better place to start than our own families?

I hope that whatever you chase in life that it brings you peace and joy.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was tired. She had been cleaning out her cupboards and drawers for a while. Once in a while, something caught her eye that caused a sense of nostalgia.

She came across a certificate of achievement.

It was from a charity that she had volunteered with. The charity specialised in helping older people. Judith had been a befriender and chatted to people that were lonely and isolated. She also helped them walk their dogs.

It had seemed that she wasn’t doing much at all so she felt like she didn’t really deserve the certificate. But she still felt a glow from looking at it. She missed that feeling of knowing that you had done something good without expecting anything back.

She wondered if she could get involved with some volunteering now. Her cousin Sienna was doing some volunteering. But that was mainly for her university application. Extracurricular activities made it look like you were a well-rounded person which helped your chances of gaining a university place. Judith reflected on how sad it was that this had become the motivation to volunteer for many young people.

She wished more people would get involved in charity and volunteering work. Not because of what it can do for them. But because of what it can do for others.

Dear you,

Most of us have good intentions when it comes to helping those around us in need. But are we doing enough?

Judith’s scenario raises an interesting point about the motivations behind our philanthropy.

If we are doing it to feed our own ego, embellish our own achievements or merely out of necessity, I’m not sure that counts as charity.

Being a volunteer implies that we have ‘volunteered’ to use our time and talents. There are so many opportunities out there now to do so.

However, the focus shouldn’t be about what exactly we have done, how much money we have raised or how many hours we have managed to do.

This is because acts of kindness have no measure.

You cannot measure the impact you could be having. You cannot put a price on a person’s grateful smile. You cannot begin to imagine how much relief a person feels when their load is lightened.

We also must realise that we all have talents and gifts to share. We all have very different circumstances so volunteering in an official capacity may not always be an option. That’s why we should be on the look out for any chance to help somebody.

I hope we all realise the value of helping others and strive to do it continuously.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊