spreadyoursmile

Judith had always liked the idea of having a fresh start.

There was something very refreshing and reassuring about knowing that no matter what had happened up until that point in your life, things could still change.

A lot of time, she had seen people who resigned themselves. They just thought “this is who I am” and used that to justify what they did. Sometimes, they blamed things on their circumstances, other people or just life in general.

Judith had been guilty of both – she had just put up with her character flaws and deemed them too difficult to change. She had also blamed others for her failings.

Needless to say, all this did was waste a lot of time and made her bitter. However, she had learnt from her mistakes and realised that change was possible, she just needed to be determined.

Now, Judith had hope that things could change but moreover that she could change.

Dear you,

With the new year comes new plans, new opportunities and new experiences. One word we probably can’t avoid hearing around this time of year is ‘resolutions’. 

The two definitions provided by Google of this word are very illuminating. The first is what most of us would think of, “a firm decision to do or not to do something.”

But the second is more important, “the quality of being determined or resolute.”

If we just look at the first definition, most of us would concede defeat because we haven’t been able to stick to our decisions. However, the second definition emphasises the actual quality of being determined which is vital.

We will fail to achieve certain things this year, that’s just life. But the quality of being determined means we don’t easily give up and persevere. 

So if you’ve made resolutions or not, if you’ve broken them already or not, remember that the quality of being determined is ultimately what matters and can propel you into becoming a better person. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

https://eng.kairos.global/?p=10944

Dear you,

This post is a personal one.

Next month, along with it being a brand new year, I turn 29.  

For anyone who knows me personally, you’re probably aware that my life has not turned out the way I would’ve imagined it to be at this stage.

For anyone who doesn’t know me personally, I’m sharing with you that my life has been profoundly affected by my mental health struggles for the past six years.

Anyone who struggles with mental health (which is literally everyone at some point) knows how difficult it can be when your own mind seems to be your worst enemy.

As difficult as it has been battling my mental health condition, my journey was made more bearable by many things. My faith, my supportive family, caring friends…

One of the biggest sources of encouragement has been a support group that I’ve been attending for many years.

And now as a group, we are doing a fundraiser to raise money so that others can be helped in this way too!

We are basically walking the Pan American Highway, from the North of Alaska to the tip of South America. An epic 35,292,320 steps in aid of Bipolar UK ( that is 15 x the distance of Lands End to John O Groats) – 24,203Kms!

Along with contributing to these steps every single day, I’m also planning to do a walk around the time of my birthday.

If anyone can contribute steps to this fundraiser, that would be great too, just let me know!

Now more than ever, in the wake of the pandemic, mental health services are stretched beyond capacity. Often people are left without professional help so support groups like this are VITAL.

As I approach my birthday, I would really appreciate your contribution of any amount so that it can help others gain support to cope with their mental health. It can change their life for the better as my life was changed.

The details of the fundraiser are on the following link:

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/andy-hurst7

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was out with one of her young cousins at a Christmas fair.

She was enchanted by the decorations and festive atmosphere and had a constant stream of questions for Judith.

‘Is Santa Claus a real person… How about the elves?’, her cousin Lily asked.

‘Erm…’, Judith stammered, unsure of what to say.

‘Why do we put up a tree? Why do we hang round balls on the tree?’

‘Well, that’s because…’

Judith was at a loss for words.

‘Why do we have turkey for Christmas.. And cake?’

‘Okay Lily’, she said finally. ‘You have a lot of questions that I don’t know the answer to. We can look it up. But before that, we need to go back to the most important part of Christmas.’

‘Opening presents?’

‘No! Of course not. The birth of Jesus.’

‘Oh yeah…’

‘We’re going to read the nativity story again today. And you need to understand that Christmas is much more than the decorations, food and presents.’

‘What’s it about then?’

‘It’s about hope and joy and giving to others. It’s the most wonderful time of the year because you can really think of others more than you think about yourself’.

Dear you,

We are so used to the festivities surrounding Christmas and we may approach them with excitement or dread.

However, we all really know there’s more to it than all the things on the surface.

The meaning of the season goes much deeper. And when we appreciate that, we can have a more meaningful Christmas.

There’s so many things you can get to prepare for Christmas day. When we are doing these preparations, let’s spare a thought for those who are really in need at this time.

Those who don’t have a decadent Christmas lunch to eat. Those who spend Christmas alone. Those who don’t have a place to call home.

This December, let’s approach our preparations for Christmas in a different way. Instead of thinking about what you would like to do and what you want for Christmas, let’s open our hearts to the needs of others.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was having a progression review meeting with her boss. Everything seemed to be going well. Until…

‘Judith, don’t take this the wrong way. But you’re too soft. I’ve noticed how you’re constantly giving in to other people. You won’t get very far in life that way.’

She was startled to hear this but not altogether surprised. All her life she had received comments that she was too sensitive, too nice, too soft. 

People interpreted her attempts to be kind as weakness. 

When she put others first before her, people found this odd. Largely, there was an every man for himself kind of mentality.

She did know she was sensitive, she found herself tearing up at very small things for example. But she did not believe she was too soft.

Being soft was not a weakness. 

The problem was not that she was too soft. The problem was that the world was too hard. 

Dear you,

We have all been labelled by others in various ways. Some of these labels can be hurtful whereas others we can easily ignore.

It seems that we will always be too much of something for others. Too quiet or too loud. Too bold or too timid. Too vivacious or too boring. 

In the case of Judith above, she is labelled too soft. However, rightly she does not take offence to this. She knows that her softness comes from her trying to be kind. 

Others might not see this or appreciate this. But kindness is still worth persisting with. 

Softness does not mean submission. It is important to be assertive when the situation calls for it and to be able to stand up for ourselves. 

Just because someone is soft and gentle, it doesn’t mean they let others treat them badly. However, they are able to treat the situation with compassion and empathy. 

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

It’s not fair
I hear you cry
Into your shiny contraption
As you walk past
And ignore me I sit here
Sun scorching
Stomach grumbling
Hunger gnawing at
My whole being

When did I last eat
When did I last feel
Some value
Too long,
It has been too long

It’s not fair
I want to cry
But there’s
No one
To listen to my cry

For once, I wish
Someone would stop
And say to me

Life is not fair but
We humans can be fair
Let’s make the world
A fairer place

Judith was out in a bustling city with Ingrid. They came across a stall garnering a lot of attention, an environmental charity talking about climate change.

Ingrid rolled her eyes. ‘Here we go again. It’s nothing to do with us, who cares what happens in the far future?’

Judith looked at her sharply, ‘I don’t think it’s just in the future, it’s happening right now. Also, don’t you care what happens to your children and their future children?’

‘Okay you’re right, let’s go see what they’re saying’, Ingrid said guiltily. 

The stall had a lot of information about things individuals could do to help. 

‘Did you know that by reducing your consumption of animal protein by half, you can cut your diet’s carbon footprint by more than 40%’, asked a man cheerfully.

‘Erm no’.

‘There’s a lot of things you can do’. 

‘But just one person doing this, how much of a difference can it really make?’

‘Actually, it’s not just you. Social scientists have found that when one person makes a sustainability-oriented decision, other people do too.’ 

Judith and Ingrid looked at each other. They felt compelled to act too. 

Dear you,

Chances are that you’ve seen things about the COP26 conference on the news. The massive scale of the problem can be overwhelming. However, I urge you to consider ways you can contribute to a better future. 

Small steps can make a difference, including things like:

– Eating less meat and dairy especially red meat.

– Cutting back on flying and also on using your car.

– Using less energy and making sure your home is energy efficient.

– Everything we use has a carbon footprint. So don’t buy more than you need and what you do buy, don’t waste. 

Whoever you are and wherever you live, climate change will have an impact on your life. But the opposite is also true: your actions will have an impact on our beautiful planet for the coming decades. For better or worse. The choice is yours.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith took a deep breath. She had recently had a conversation with her friend about the need to talk about her emotions.

Even though she had dismissed this very quickly, the thoughts lingered. She kept reflecting on it and had realised her friend was right. She did need to talk about her emotions at times.

She decided to call her friend and ask some advice on how to do this.

Her friend was thrilled to hear Judith’s new resolution.  

‘That’s great Judith, I’m really glad you’re feeling a bit more willing to talk about it’.

‘What do I do? Do I write things down, do I call people up?’

‘Hmm, have you heard of emotional intelligence Judith? Experts say it’s something even more important than IQ in your overall success in life’.

‘No, I’ve not heard of that’.

‘I’ll send you some information, it’ll really help.’

Dear you,

Last week we touched on the need to express emotions. This week we delve deeper into emotional intelligence.

The components are perceiving emotions, reasoning with emotions, understanding emotions and managing emotions.

We can see that all these steps are important. Knowing our emotions is a good first step but we also need to go further to the next three steps.

Emotional intelligence helps us to think before we react. It promotes a greater self-awareness and empathy for others as we are connecting our own experiences with others.

Some different ways to practice emotional intelligence include: being able to accept criticism, being able to move on after making a mistake, being able to say no and not being judgemental of others

To cultivate better emotional intelligence we can improve our listening, then go on to empathise and reflect.

Studies have shown that people with high EI have greater mental health, job performance, and leadership skills. Therefore it helps us and helps others we interact with too.

I hope these posts have made you think about emotions and you choose to deal with them in a positive manner.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was having a catch up with a friend she hadn’t seen for a while.

Her friend talked at length about various events and went very deep into talking about her emotions.

Judith had always been a good listener and so was fine with this but then her friend quickly stopped and stared at her for a second.

‘What about you Judith? In all the years we’ve known each other, I’ve never really heard you talk about your emotions, how you really feel about things..’

‘Erm.. There’s nothing to say really. I’m.. fine. Things are… fine’, she stammered.

Her friend looked at her with gentle concern.

‘You need to talk about these things sometimes you know. Otherwise they’ll affect your life in ways you don’t even realise’.  

Dear you,

How do we cope with emotions?

You may not even realise how you’re responding to emotions because you’re so used to your responses.

Avoidance is a popular reaction. We pretend the emotion is not there, we distract ourselves from it at all costs, we look to other things simply so we can stop looking at ourselves and dealing with what needs to be done.

Misinterpreting the emotion leads us to blame ourselves, blame others and fail to recognise that all emotions are a natural response from our bodies. In itself, they are neither good or bad.

Labelling our emotions is the first step. Then we can identify patterns such as thoughts and triggers that lead to this emotion. If you’re struggling with labelling your emotion, I’d recommend using an emotion wheel which can easily be found online.

Fighting against emotion and trying to resist it won’t help. We have to accept them, identify them and then find the most appropriate means of expressing and managing them.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊

Judith was surrounded by family members. Her brother Jude approached her warily. 

‘Hey, why don’t you come over and sit with our cousins Judith?’ 

Judith looked uncomfortable.

‘You know why. I don’t want to be around him’. 

Jude’s brow furrowed.

‘You still haven’t forgiven our cousin for what he did like ten years ago?’

‘He hurt me. A lot. And he hasn’t apologised’, exploded Judith. 

‘Okay so you do the mature thing and apologise.’ 

‘But I didn’t do anything wrong!’ 

‘Judith, you’ve held a grudge, that is the wrong thing to do. It eats away at you to hold on to bitterness and resentment. What good does it do?’

Despite her anger, Judith knew he was right. She had been holding on to anger for so long. Her cousin had gotten on with his life and she’d remained immersed in her pain.

She needed to move on and heal. 

Dear you,

We have all been hurt by other people’s words and actions. And in turn we have also hurt others knowingly and unknowingly. 

That is the state of the human condition. But often we hold on to our hurt rather than letting it go. The longer this goes on, the more it hurts us and has harmful effects. 

Holding onto hurt and bitterness means our relationships with others are affected. We may feel the need to build up defences, we harbour distrust in our hearts and soon, our entire view of the world is coloured. 

Forgiving others often isn’t something that helps them, it helps us in a deep way. We realise how much of a burden we had been carrying unnecessarily. Holding onto resentment only makes things worse whereas forgiving others helps you progress into a better state emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even physically. 

Today, I invite you to consider carefully any people that you may be harbouring resentment against. It may be a minor thing or a feud lasting years but whatever the issue is, I hope you are able to choose the path of forgiveness and forbearance.

Thank you for reading. And don’t forget, spread your smile 😊